What Is an Intimacy Director and What Should You Expect in the Rehearsal Room?

As someone who primarily works in theatre, I often get questions like:

• "What exactly is an Intimacy Director?"

• "Do I need one for my show?"

• "What can actors and directors expect from that process?"

This blog is a guide to how Intimacy Direction works in live theatre, and what it can look like for actors, directors, stage managers, designers, and producers.

What Is an Intimacy Director?

An Intimacy Director (ID) helps stage scenes involving:

• Kissing or physical intimacy

• Simulated sex or undressing

• Power-based dynamics (like abuse or coercion)

• Emotional vulnerability

Much like a fight choreographer or dialect coach, the Intimacy Director creates a safe structure for storytelling. The ID works with the cast and creative team to stage intimacy clearly and repeatably, making sure that every person involved feels informed, empowered, and supported.

What Happens in Rehearsal?

Pre-Production Conversations
Before rehearsals begin, the Intimacy Director meets with the director and/or creative team to:

• Understand the themes, tone, and goals of the play

• Clarify what intimacy is in the script and where it lives in the story

• Discuss safety protocols and support for actors

Establishing Consent Culture
The ID may lead a consent-based warm-up or workshop with the cast to:

• Introduce shared language (like “closed rehearsal,” “consent to touch,” etc.)

• Teach basic tools for giving and withdrawing consent

• Help everyone learn how to say “yes,” “no,” or “not right now” without fear or shame

Choreographing Intimacy
Just like dance or stage combat, intimate scenes are blocked and rehearsed step by step. The choreography is:

• Specific

• Repeatable

• Based on agreed boundaries

• Designed to tell the story

Integration with the Show
The ID collaborates with the director and actors to make sure the scene fits tonally and serves the play. The ID may also work with designers, wardrobe, and stage management to ensure modesty garments, lighting, and transitions support the intimacy safely.

During the Run

Even after the show opens, the ID’s role doesn’t stop:

• They may attend previews or early performances

• Stage management is trained in how to maintain choreography and consent boundaries, but boundaries may change and the ID must be prepared to re-choreograph

• A “consent check-in” may happen before each show or after any performance where something felt “off”

Why Use an Intimacy Director?

An ID helps create:

• Safer rehearsal rooms

• More sustainable processes for actors

• Clearer storytelling for audiences

• Reduced risk for producers and organizations

Just like we wouldn’t ask actors to choreograph their own sword fight, we shouldn’t expect them to navigate intimacy without support.

Intimacy Direction isn’t about limiting artistic freedom. It’s about building trust, structure, and communication so that everyone in the room can do their best, most honest work.

Intimacy Coordination for TV & Film: What to Expect

Although my intimacy practice is mostly grounded in live theatre, I do occasional work in film and television and I’m often asked: What exactly does an Intimacy Coordinator do on a film set?

Whether you’re a producer, director, actor, or just curious about best practices, here’s an overview of how intimacy coordination works on screen.

The protocols shared here are based on guidance from SAG-AFTRA, ACTRA, and IDC (Intimacy Directors and Coordinators) training, which have set the industry standard for working with scenes involving nudity, simulated sex, or emotionally vulnerable content.

What Is an Intimacy Coordinator?

An Intimacy Coordinator (IC) is a trained professional who helps choreograph and support intimate scenes for film and TV. Their job is to make sure everyone involved feels safe, respected, and informed, while helping directors and producers achieve their creative goals.

ICs handle the logistics, advocate for performers, and ensure consent and communication are at the core of every step. Just like a stunt or fight choreographer, the IC works to plan, rehearse, and supervise scenes where actors are physically or emotionally vulnerable.

Before Filming: What Happens?

Intro Meetings
The IC connects with the director, producers, and ADs to:

• Review the script and flag any scenes requiring intimacy support

• Clarify how each scene will be shot

• Discuss safety and closed-set protocols

Performer Check-ins
Each actor involved in an intimate scene will meet privately with the IC to:

• Go over the scene in plain terms

• Talk through personal boundaries and preferences

• Learn about modesty garments, barriers, and privacy measures

• Ask questions or voice concerns

Nudity & Simulated Sex Riders
For scenes involving nudity or simulated sex, a written agreement (rider) outlines exactly what’s been agreed to. These must be:

• Finalized and approved by the actor (and/or their agent)

• Delivered at least 48 hours before shooting

• Signed before the scene is filmed

Wardrobe & Makeup Coordination
The IC consults with wardrobe and makeup teams to ensure all modesty wear, prosthetics, and coverings are available and fitted respectfully.

On Set: What to Expect

Private Check-Ins
The IC will check in with each actor privately before the scene, ideally in their dressing room or a quiet space, to confirm continued consent.

Choreographed Rehearsal
Intimate scenes are never improvised. The IC helps choreograph every physical beat, just like blocking a dance or fight. The goal is clarity, consistency, and comfort.

Closed Set Protocols
On the day of filming:

• Only essential personnel remain on set

• No visitors, cell phones, or extra monitors

• Actors are covered immediately after each take

• The IC stays close by to check in and adjust as needed

Ongoing Consent
Actors are encouraged to check in with each other between takes. The IC is available to confirm consent and manage any changes. If something shifts that wasn’t in the original rider, a new one must be created and the 48-hour window restarts.

After Filming: Privacy & Protection

Once the scene is shot:

• Footage is labeled “Restricted Access” and only available to essential editing staff

• All material is stored securely and used only for the intended production

Why It Matters

When an Intimacy Coordinator is on set, you can expect:

• Respectful working conditions

• Clear communication

• Creative solutions that support both the story and the people telling it

Actors can focus on their performance without second-guessing their safety. Directors and producers get reliable, repeatable results. And the work ultimately becomes stronger, safer, and more sustainable.

What Else Can an Intimacy Coordinator Support?

While much of the public conversation around intimacy coordination focuses on scenes involving nudity or simulated sex, an IC’s role can extend far beyond that. In both live performance and screen work, intimacy involves any moment of heightened vulnerability, personal exposure, or physical proximity.

Some additional areas where I provide support include:

• Kissing & Non-Sexual Touch
  Even a simple kiss or hug can bring up questions of consent, comfort, and repetition. I work with performers and directors to choreograph moments of touch with intention, ensuring clarity and consistency throughout takes or performances.

• Family Dynamics & Power Imbalance
  Scenes involving parent-child relationships, emotional manipulation, grief, or caretaking can require as much care as scenes of intimacy. I help teams navigate the physical and emotional boundaries that arise when portraying closeness, conflict, or trauma.

• Managing Physical Boundaries in Ensemble Work
  Close contact in group scenes can be overwhelming or uncomfortable. I support casts in creating clear agreements and shared language for safe touch, spacing, and body autonomy.

• Developing Consent-Based Culture
  I support creative teams in embedding consent into the process itself, not just the product. That includes warm-ups, boundary check-ins, and room agreements.

• Supporting Performer Wellbeing
  My presence signals that there is a dedicated, neutral advocate available to help navigate discomfort.

Tools for Expressing Discomfort in Rehearsal or Performance

Consent is a Practice and is Always Revocable

In any rehearsal or performance involving intimacy, physicality, or emotional vulnerability, it’s important to have clear and accessible ways to express discomfort. The following outlines several verbal, non-verbal, and post-scene tools that you can use to communicate your boundaries at any time. These options can be used alone or in combination, and you are always encouraged to propose your own.

Verbal Tools

These phrases are designed to pause or adjust the action in a neutral, respectful way.

• “Can we pause?”

• “Hold.”

• “I need a break.”

• “I’m at capacity.”

• “That’s a no for me.”

• “I need to step out.”

Verbal Stoplight System

The meaning of each colour must be discussed and agreed on in advance.

• Green – All good

• Yellow – Proceed with caution / I’m unsure

• Red – Stop immediately

Non-Verbal Tools

These are helpful when speaking isn’t possible or if you're in the middle of a scene.

• Hand Raise

• “Time Out” Signal

• Hand to Floor

• Silent Step Back

• Stop and Drop

Post-Rehearsal Tools

Boundaries can shift. You don’t have to speak up in the moment to be heard.

• Private Check-Ins – One-on-one conversations before or after rehearsal.

• Written Communication – Text or email if verbal communication feels too difficult.

• Scheduled Debriefs – Built-in time to reflect with the intimacy professional or director.

You Are Not Alone

Your safety, autonomy, and comfort are essential. You never need to explain or apologize for expressing a boundary. Consent is always revocable.

You can change your “yes” to a “no” at any time.

Let’s build rehearsal rooms that are creative, collaborative, and rooted in mutual care.

Creating Connection: The Special Handshake for Intimacy Scene Partners

Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare by the Sea, 2023

Intimacy Direction and Choreography: Lynn Panting

When it comes to intimacy direction, fostering trust and connection between scene partners is essential. These relationships often require a level of vulnerability and collaboration that goes beyond standard rehearsals. While tapping in and tapping out are excellent boundary-setting practices, introducing a personalized ritual, like a special handshake, can add an extra layer of connection, support, and intention.

A special handshake is a small, private ritual shared exclusively between intimacy scene partners. Done before and after intimacy rehearsals and at the top and tail of performances, this gesture acts as a grounding mechanism, a signal of mutual respect, and a boundary between self and character.

Why Create a Special Handshake?

Builds Trust and Connection

A unique handshake is a shared moment that belongs solely to the scene partners. It fosters a sense of camaraderie and mutual care, reinforcing the trust necessary to explore vulnerable material.

Creates a Sense of Safety

The ritual serves as a physical reminder that both partners are entering a safe, consensual space. It anchors performers in the present moment and provides a tangible way to signal readiness and mutual support.

Sets Intention

Performing the handshake before a scene or rehearsal allows partners to set a shared intention for their work, whether it’s focusing on honesty, collaboration, or mutual care. Ending with the handshake helps partners transition out of the scene, returning to their personal selves.

Reinforces Closure

After an intimate scene or performance, the handshake provides a sense of closure, helping performers separate their character work from their own emotions and experiences.

How to Create a Special Handshake

Collaborate on the Gesture
The handshake should be co-created by both partners to ensure it feels meaningful and authentic. Discuss what elements you’d like to include — it can be as simple as a series of taps or as elaborate as a choreographed sequence.

Make It Unique
The handshake doesn’t have to look like a traditional handshake. It could involve fist bumps, finger snaps, a high five, or any other gestures that feel right to the partners. The key is that it’s unique.

Keep It Intentional
Even if the handshake is playful, it should be performed with intention. This isn’t just a fun ritual; it’s a tool for connection and grounding.

Practice Together
Before integrating the handshake into rehearsals and performances, practice it a few times together. This helps solidify the movement and ensures it becomes second nature.

Use It Consistently
The handshake should bookend every intimacy rehearsal and performance. Its consistency reinforces its purpose and helps create a reliable routine.

When to Use the Special Handshake

Before Intimacy Rehearsals
Perform the handshake to signal that both partners are ready to enter the rehearsal space and engage in the work.

After Intimacy Rehearsals
Use the handshake as a way to close the session, ensuring both partners feel supported as they transition out of the work.

Before Performances
The handshake becomes a grounding ritual before stepping on stage, reinforcing trust and connection in the moments leading up to the performance.

After Performances
End the show run with the handshake to acknowledge the shared effort and return to your personal selves.

Benefits for Performers and Productions

• Strengthened Bonds: The handshake deepens the connection between partners, making their onstage chemistry more authentic.

• Emotional Resilience: Rituals like this help performers process and separate their character work from their personal lives.

• Professionalism: A special handshake demonstrates the care and intentionality that intimacy direction brings to a production.

• Audience Impact: When performers feel connected and safe, it shows in their work, resulting in more compelling and authentic storytelling.

A special handshake is more than a gesture, it’s a commitment to trust, care, and collaboration. By creating a unique ritual, intimacy scene partners can foster a deeper bond, navigate the emotional demands of their work with greater ease, and bring authenticity to the relationships they portray on stage.

Intimacy Direction for Non-Romantic Stories

When you hear the term "intimacy direction," romantic or physically intimate scenes often come to mind. However, intimacy on stage is not limited to love stories. Platonic and familial relationships are central to many narratives, and the physical connections between these characters can be just as complex and powerful.

Defining Intimacy

There are clear industry standards outlining when an intimacy director or coordinator must be employed, and these guidelines are essential for ensuring safety, consent, and professionalism in scenes involving intimacy. However, the benefit of working with an intimacy professional extends far beyond mandated contexts.

Intimacy isn’t solely about romance— it’s about connection. It’s the way people interact and share space. Non-romantic intimacy can be subtle, like a sibling rolling their eyes but leaning on each other for support, or deeply emotional, like a parent embracing a child after a long separation.

By expanding our understanding of intimacy, we open the door to exploring a broader range of relationships with depth and authenticity.

Why Intimacy Direction Matters for Non-Romantic Stories

Fostering Believability
The bonds between platonic and familial characters are often foundational to a story. Intimacy direction helps ensure that these connections feel genuine.

Addressing Physical Boundaries
Even in non-romantic contexts, physical interactions can feel vulnerable for performers. Scenes involving holding hands, comforting embraces, or even a friendly arm around the shoulder require clear communication and consent.

Enhancing Storytelling
The physicality of non-romantic relationships — the way people occupy space together, touch, or avoid touch — can convey volumes about their history and emotional state. Thoughtful movement direction ensures these details enrich the narrative.

Applications of Intimacy Direction in Non-Romantic Contexts

Familial Relationships

Family dynamics are often layered with history, expectations, and unspoken emotions. Movement and intimacy direction can help performers capture these complexities.

Friendships

The intimacy of friendships is unique and multifaceted. Friends often share inside jokes, physical closeness, and moments of vulnerability that require careful direction to feel believable. Intimacy direction can guide performers in creating:

Workplace or Professional Relationships

While less overtly intimate, workplace dynamics often involve proximity and shared emotional stakes. Intimacy direction can be useful for body language and physical positioning to reflect power dynamics.

Communities or Ensembles

Group dynamics in stories often require performers to convey a sense of shared history or unity. Intimacy direction can help to establish connection and demonstrate fractures.

Tips for Exploring Non-Romantic Intimacy on Stage

Prioritize Consent and Communication
Even in non-romantic contexts, performers need clear communication about physical interactions. Regular check-ins and consent-driven practices are essential.

Use Space Intentionally
Proximity or distance can speak volumes about a relationship. Experiment with how characters occupy space together to reflect their dynamic.

Layer the History
Non-romantic relationships often have rich backstories. Work with performers to explore how this history informs their physicality and emotional tone.

Create a Movement Vocabulary
Consider how characters show affection, conflict and indifference. Create repeatable vocabulary for these states that performers can employ.

Non-romantic intimacy is a vital, yet often overlooked, element of storytelling. By giving it the same care and attention as romantic connections, we honour the richness and complexity of the relationships that shape our lives.

Why Consent Culture Benefits Every Rehearsal Room

Pursuit rehearsal, 2020

The rehearsal room should be a place of exploration, collaboration, and trust. Yet, for too long, the performing arts have relied on outdated models of direction that prioritize hierarchy over dialogue, often leaving performers feeling unheard, unsafe, or uncertain about their boundaries.

Enter consent culture—a framework that prioritizes clear communication, mutual agreement, and respect for personal boundaries. While often discussed in the context of intimacy direction, consent culture is valuable for every aspect of the rehearsal process, from choreography to scene work to backstage dynamics.

Integrating consent-based practices doesn’t just prevent harm—it enhances artistry, deepens collaboration, and fosters a healthier, more sustainable creative environment.

How Consent Culture Strengthens the Creative Process

Consent Encourages More Confident Performers

When performers know their boundaries are respected, they take more risks. Instead of shutting down when they feel uncomfortable, they engage fully, leading to more authentic performances.

It Builds a Rehearsal Room Based on Trust, Not Power

Historically, some directors and choreographers have used authority to demand compliance. Consent culture shifts the focus from power to partnership, ensuring that artists feel like collaborators rather than instruments.

It Fosters Better Communication and Artistic Clarity

Establishing consent culture means normalizing check-ins, clarifying expectations, and making room for dialogue. This prevents misunderstandings, allowing everyone to work more efficiently and creatively.

It Reduces Harm and Prevents Long-Term Injury

From a physical standpoint, forcing bodies into movement without consent leads to injury. From an emotional standpoint, ignoring boundaries can cause burnout and trauma. In both cases, consent culture prioritizes longevity over short-term results.

It Creates a More Inclusive, Accessible Rehearsal Room

Not every performer moves or experiences space the same way. A consent-based space makes room for individual bodies, voices, and lived experiences rather than imposing a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach.

Practical Ways to Build a Consent-Based Rehearsal Room

Consent culture isn’t just about what we don’t do—it’s about actively creating a better process. Here’s how to implement it in everyday rehearsals:

• Normalize asking for consent: “Can I adjust your arm placement?” should be as natural as saying, “Let’s take that from the top.”

• Use boundary check-ins: A quick “How’s everyone feeling about this?” before and after intense work ensures performers aren’t carrying discomfort into the next scene.

• Offer opt-in/opt-out language: Instead of “We’re all doing this exercise,” try “Would you like to participate, modify, or observe?”

• Give performers agency: Allow them to suggest solutions when something feels off rather than dictating what they should endure.

• Lead by example: Directors set the tone. If they model consent culture, the whole room follows.