Transparency Costs Comfort: Practicing Values When It's Hard

Transparency is a value I hold dear. It’s baked into how I direct, choreograph, teach, and show up in the world. But I’ve learned that transparency comes at a cost.

Its most frequent casualty? Comfort.

Here’s what I’ve observed: nearly every institution, company, or project I work with has a policy. And most often, it’s a good one. These policies name values like respect, equity, or collaboration. Most people agree with them, at least on paper.

But when discomfort enters the room, those values falter.

In practice, I’ve watched people (good people) dismiss concerns, avoid naming harm, or smooth things over just to keep the peace. Not because they’re malicious. Because they’re afraid. Because the cost of staying in alignment with their values felt too high in that moment.

Because it was easier.

I understand this. I’m not a lover of conflict. I want things to be nice. And still, I believe that real change requires us to stay in the room when things get hard. We have to reckon with the truth.

Growing pains aren’t optional if you want to grow.

And values, if they’re only words on a page, are impotent. They don’t shift power, change culture, or protect people.

From Ideology to Action

Values must be practiced. Not once. Not when it's easy. But consistently, especially when it would be easier not to.

They aren’t real until they show up in how we speak, decide, apologize, protect, and adapt.

So, how do we actually live our values?

Practicing Values When It's Hard: A Framework

1. Know What You Actually Value

• What do I stand by, even when it costs me something?

2. Turn Values Into Verbs

• If you say you value equity, what do you do when someone is excluded?

• If you say you value transparency, how do you communicate when the truth is messy?

Use if/then thinking:

• If I make a mistake, then I repair.

• If I see harm, then I name it.

3. Build a Practice of Discomfort
Discomfort isn’t danger. It’s feedback. It means you’re on the edge of something important.

• Practice staying.

• Normalize sweat.

• Normalize fumbling.

• Normalize trying again.

Ask:

• When do I retreat?

• What would it look like to stay present instead?

4. Stay in Dialogue
Invite others into your process.

• Here’s what I believe. Here’s where I’m struggling. What do you see?

Make space for:

• “That felt out of alignment.”

• “You said this, but did that.”

• “That landed in a way you might not have intended.”

5. Repair. Recommit. Repeat.
You will get it wrong. That’s part of it.

• Repair with humility.

• Recommit without shame.

• Keep going.